Okay, so I’m a little envious of the number of hits that Bekki gets on her Nectarfizz’s Web-Thingy.  One of her avid readers commented today that we tune in regularly because we want to know how she is and what’s happening in her life; her blog is like an addictive soap opera!  And I agree.  I give her at least 10 hits a day myself because I’m always checking in to see what’s going on.  It’s one of the first things I do in the morning.  I check in everyday at lunch, and depending on what’s going on during the evening, I check in then, too.  If it’s really a boring evening, like when my husband is out-of-town, I check in a number of times during the evening.

I admit it to you freely.  My life is NOT a soap opera.  I’ve worked hard to make it NOT a soap opera!

Look at some of the actual circumstances of my life:

• an only child of emotionally unstable parents
• mother an alcoholic and married a total of six times
• I have had bouts of moderate to severe depression since the start of adolescence
• I started dating men 5 to 7 years older than myself when I was 14
• I was sexually active at 15
• Married at 17
• Already by the time of my engagement at 16 I had acknowledged and was practicing my bisexuality
• No particular plans after high school other than getting married

Hey, a soap opera writer could have had a literal field day with my life!  The combinations of trouble, pathos, dilemmas and downright sticky situations I could have gotten into given that constellation of factors could have kept a prime-time soap opera afloat for years! 

Instead, what my friends, family and coworkers say about me is I’m:

• intelligent
• dependable
• stable
• calm
• organized
• wise
• logical
• rational
• quiet
• independent
• balanced
• practical
• thoughtful
• sensitive
• honest
• direct and forthright

Those friends and family who know me really, really well will also add that I’m:

• irreverent
• sarcastic
• witty
• bawdy
• uninhibited
• sexual
• blunt
• moody
• theatrical
• imaginative
• emotionally strong
• a survivor
• courageous
• eclectic
• adventurous
• demanding
• perfectionistic

I have worked on tempering my moods, my appetites, my unabashed opinions so that I’m not in a chronic state of unheaval and turmoil.  I think that I’ve always been fairly mindful of what kind of ”soap opera” my life could have turned into if not monitored and controlled.   I want a balanced life, a life of integrity, so that my life and the lives of those with whom I share it are not in a state of upset and chaos on a regular basis.

Sometimes I feel as though I’ve gotten too controlled and I long for a bit of drama and excitment.   (Occasionally, I find that bit of drama and excitement but I often have second thoughts about my involvement in it and back away from it.)  If I can’t actually have the drama and excitement, I’d at least like to make something up and write a juicy story about it! 

Most times, I could happily live without the drama, though, I’m a bit wistful to admit!

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