80% Crabby   8 comments

I’m crabby.  I think I know why.  My previously comfortable bras that I’ve been wearing for several years (and have five of in my drawer!) are killing me.  Yes, I realize that it most likely has to do with the fact that I’ve gained 15 pounds since spring and am now at a record-high weight for me.  It may also have a little bit to do with starting a different formulation of estrogen in my HRT and my breast shape may have changed a bit.  The bottom line is that I need new, comfortably-fitting bras RIGHT NOW.

Therein lies the problem.  I spent 2 hours in Kohl’s a few weeks ago and tried on 20 different bras.  I still came home with something that is not completely comfortable and is probably not even the right size.  I’ve read estimates that claim that at least 80% of women are wearing the wrong size bra.  [Hangs head in shame.]

Well, how do you find your “right size?”  I just researched this online and came away just as confused as when I started.  The very first article I read told me to measure  under my boobs and take that measurement as the band measurement.  It explicitly instructed me NOT to add five inches to this measurement to find my band size, that this was an inaccurate and obsolete way of measuring for modern bras.  Every single other article I read (at least another half-dozen I had time to peruse) instructed me to add the five inches to the measurement I obtained to get the correct band size.  So, who do I believe?  And what kind of sense does it make, anyway, to add five inches to a measurement?  Do men have to add five inches to their inseam measurement to get the correct length of their trousers?

All the articles are in agreement that to get my cup size, I measure the fullest part of my breasts and subtract this measurement from the band size.  (Is that the actual measurement or the “add five inches” calculated number??)  I’ve never been able to get this calculation to work for me when I’ve tried it in the past.  The cup size I come up with is clearly wrong when I try on these bras.  And then there is the whole situation of gravity, of the “fullest part” of a woman’s breasts being distributed between her ribs and her waistline.  How do you measure that?  If you were to pick all that sagging up and shove it into cotton cups, how big does that cup need to be?  Sounds like a good story problem for a high school physics class…  (“If the nipples hang five inches or more below the 5th rib, divide by four and take the square root of the number obtained, and then do the Hokey-Pokey and turn yourself around.  That’s what it’s all about.”)

One article instructed me to get down on my hands and knees and measure the widest part of my bust by that method.  It seems to make sense to let gravity in this position put the boobs where they need to be — straight out from the ribcage.  I just can’t figure out how to hold the tape measure in a snug position while I’m down on all fours on the floor, letting gravity do its thing.  And again, the conflicting information rears its ugly head:  this was the only article I read that suggested this position.  (Don’t worry, it only feels kinky the first time you do it!)

And every single article I read emphasized that the measurements are only a starting point.  Don’t let the measurements decide what bra you should be wearing.  Manufacturers vary, women vary, etc.  Go into a dressing room armed with dozens of bras and start trying them on, they said.  (Only five garments at a time, please!)

So, why am I down on all fours with this tape measure, getting rug burn on my nipples?  HELP ME, PLEASE!!

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Posted October 22, 2009 by StPaulieGrrl in Aging, health, sexuality

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8 responses to “80% Crabby

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  1. Ha! Bonnie made a lol. :-p

    I was just about to take a lunch break and decided to read this first. I’m so glad I did!

    I’m sorry you’re feeling crabby, sis, but I have to tell you that this posting made me laugh out loud. I really needed that! Thanks! 🙂

    I thought of a way to get around the five bra limit: I could stand outside the dressing room holding every bra you’ve chosen. You take one at a time and try it on. If it doesn’t fit, toss it over the door to me. I will then toss you another one to try on. Repeat as needed.

    I can see it now… LOL

  2. Yeah, maybe you’re right — this bra shopping thing needs to be a two-person job. Maybe we should bring the video camera and tape an episode of The Bonie and Lotie Show entitled The Flying Brassieres!

    Seriously, though, I’d appreciate your assistance and support. Perhaps you could help with the measurements! 😉

  3. Hmmm, Bonnie…At the risk of being misunderstood, perhaps you might enlist the services of some helpful gentleman to hold the tape measure?

  4. B: Now that my spouse is home again, perhaps I could instruct him on how the measurements need to be taken. That is something I’ve never asked him to do before. 😉

  5. Ha! I just now saw this, Bonnie! Too bad we didn’t take the camera with us today! 😆

  6. Hehehehe. Boobs.

  7. Yeah, Mike, that’s what I say: hehehehehe, boobs! 😉

  8. Mmm Hmm

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